Introduction to the funeral ceremony

By Sarah AirdCategories: All About Funerals

This entry is part 3 of 11 in the series Australian Funeral Ceremonies

We’ve played the opening music and the mourners are all settled and ready for the ceremony proper to begin. There is an expectant hush across the room as everyone waits to hear what the celebrant is about to say. I lock eyes with each of the people I’ve been working with to get to this point, and I start to speak. But what will I actually say in the introduction to the funeral ceremony?

NB: In the next few posts in this series I’m going to give away some of my ceremony writing secrets. If you don’t want to know how the magic happens, look away now!

Opening quote

I always start with a quote or a short poem. I’ve got lots of these in my files (including a wonderful book of Beginnings and Endings by one of my funeral mentors, Robyn O’Connell), and I sort through them to choose the absolute right one for this death, for this ceremony.

Welcome

Next I welcome everyone. I never say good morning or good afternoon; for many in the room it is NOT a good morning or a good afternoon. That’s a lesson I learnt in my funeral training that has stuck with me. Instead, I will say on behalf of the family, welcome to the farewell service for Name.

I then introduce myself, and when relevant I mention that I didn’t know the deceased in person. That’s important to many people I work with. They often say they don’t want someone who didn’t know their loved one getting up there and talking about them as if they did. So I’ll be upfront that I didn’t know this person, but I am still honoured to conduct their funeral in conjunction with the Funeral Director. Finally in this welcome paragraph is my request to turn off mobile phones. It goes like this:

On behalf of those who loved her / [individual family names], welcome to the farewell service for Name. My name is Sarah Aird, and although I did not know her in person, I am honoured to conduct this celebration of Name’s life today, in conjunction with Arranger and the team at Funeral Director. If you haven’t yet done so, please check your mobile phone is off or switched to silent.

Side note: I’m in a Facebook group of mostly England-based funeral celebrants. Many of them do NOT introduce themselves at the beginning of a ceremony because they think it comes across as a marketing exercise. Personally I think that’s a weird take. I’m always going to introduce myself to a group of people I’m speaking to!

If we’re live streaming the ceremony I will also make a special mention of those watching on the live stream:

Welcome too to those of you joining us on the live stream today. I know it’s difficult not to be here in person, but Name’s family feels your love and support from afar.

(Honestly, I know COVID was utterly dreadful in all the ways, but the installation of live streaming equipment in almost every funeral venue was one positive to come out of it.)

Acknowledgement of country

Not every family wants to include an acknowledgement of country in their loved one’s funeral, and that’s their prerogative. In fact I’ve had some families deeply unhappy that I’ve even offered it. I’ll still keep offering it, but I’ll never begrudge a family who says no. It’s my job to offer you ALL the options, and then to facilitate what you want, regardless of my own feelings.

If you don’t want an acknowledgement of country, you don’t have to have it. If you do want one, I have one I wrote that I use for all funerals. It goes like this:

We gather today on the lands of the Wurundjeri/Bunurong people to farewell Name. I acknowledge that ceremonies of celebration and farewell have taken place on these lands for thousands of years, and that the Australian Indigenous traditions of yarning and storytelling form the basis for the ceremony we’re going to have today. I pay my respects to the Traditional Custodians of these lands, to their Elders past and present and emerging leaders, I thank them for their care of this land and for their rich history on which all of our stories are built.

Permission

The final part of my introduction is my permission paragraph. It’s granting permission to everyone present to feel all their feelings and not be shy about expressing them. The funeral is only the beginning of the healing process. Although often it’s looked upon as a celebration of a person’s life, the grieving bit is utterly crucial and shouldn’t be pushed aside or tamped down. It goes like this:

Today is a celebration of Name’s life, but it is also an opportunity to grieve. It is a time to let go of the emotions you’ve been holding in since she died. It is a time to set aside all the noise that has surrounded you since she left you. It is a chance for you to think, to reflect, to remember, and to start to heal. Feel free to cry, but also to laugh and smile at your memories of Name. Any and all of your feelings and reactions to what you will hear today are valid and real, so give yourselves permission to feel your feelings, to have your reactions, to celebrate, and to grieve.

And that’s it! I include the first and last of these sections in the vast majority of the introductions to my funeral ceremonies. Of course, my families have the absolute right to edit any of the wording they’re not keen on – they’re in complete control.