This entry is part 7 of 18 in the series Australian Wedding Ceremonies
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Rituals in the wedding ceremony

wedding ceremonies
This entry is part 7 of 18 in the series Australian Wedding Ceremonies

All the elements of a wedding ceremony are, at their core, rituals. The entire ceremony is in fact a ritual! But in this post I want to talk about some of the discrete, self-contained symbolic rituals you can include in your wedding ceremony. Most of the symbolic rituals in this post are what we call unity rituals. They’re the representation of the two of you unifying, or becoming one married couple.

Some couples love rituals. Some couples hate them. Celebrants are the same – some love them, some hate them! I don’t mind either way. I’m here to give you all the ideas and facilitate whatever you choose to include. I do ask though that you think hard about choosing a symbolic ritual. If you’re going to include one, as with every ceremony element, make sure it means something to you as a couple 🙂

Let’s take a look at some symbolic rituals in the wedding ceremony.

Unity Candle Ritual

unity candles for rituals in the wedding ceremony

Source: www.candles.net.au

The unity candle symbolises the very essence of the wedding ceremony. Two small candles representing the couple as individuals are used to light a larger unity candle as a visible symbol of their commitment to each other. There are many variations on the ceremony.

There are several popular options for lighting your small candles. You can have your parents or other family members come forward to light the small candles, representing each family. The small candles lighting the unity candle then become a symbol of your two families coming together as one. If you wish, the primary attendants can light the small candles, or perhaps the celebrant could do it. Or you may light the small candles yourselves from a candle on the table.

You may choose to leave the small candles lit after lighting the unity candle, or extinguish them.

Many suppliers will even personalise the candles for you. You might want to light them on your wedding anniversary each year!

Unity Sand Ritual

unity sand ceremony for rituals in the wedding ceremony

Sources: www.candles.net.au

This is allegedly based on a Native American tradition. Many feel it is a nice way to symbolise the joining of two (or more) lives. Each party to the marriage pours sand of a different colour into a vase. The sands mix and create a beautiful pattern. Just as the grains of sand can never be separated and poured again into the individual containers, so will your relationship be.

It is also perfect if children are involved in the ceremony as each different colour of sand can represent each family member within the marriage. I’ve even had extended families involved in this ritual. The grandparents poured their sands first, then the parents, representing the foundations of the two families. Then the couple poured, followed by their children.

You can get all sorts of shapes of vases to pour the sand into, and many suppliers will personalise them for you.

A cute variation on this is the unity bowl ritual, where everyone involved has a small number of coloured stones or marbles to pour into the bowl.

Stone Casting Ritual

In early Australia, our convict forebears and many of our early settlers could not afford the normal symbolic presentation of rings at a wedding ceremony. To confirm their vows, instead of a ring or rings being given and received, the bride and groom cast a stone each into a nearby river or ocean, thus symbolising their remaining together while the tides of time ebbed and flowed over their lives. This ritual can be performed at any ceremony taking place near a body of water.

Handfasting Ritual

Handfasting is a ceremonial statement of a feeling that binds two people together, where the couple’s hands are loosely tied together with a ribbon, the knot of which is then kept tied to symbolise the binding together of the couple. This is the origin of the phrase “tying the knot” referring to marrying. Handfasting has a wide and varied history; at some times it has represented a legal vow, and at others it has been purely symbolic.

I’ve had couples use ribbons, ropes, and cords for their handfasting rituals. There are no rules; it’s really about what works for you. The cords do need to be long enough to be draped over your clasped hands and tied in a knot.

Love Locks Ritual

Throughout the ages, lovers have looked for ways in which they can prove to the world that their love is the real thing – a commitment that will last for eternity. From poetry to a romantic serenade; from inscribing hearts on the school desk to carving initials on a tree.

More recently, the world has seen the rise of a new and profound method of professing love and commitment. Lovers engrave their names or message onto a padlock, lock it to a fence or railing and throw away the key. The symbolism of throwing away the key is all important, representing the commitment to love, a memory that can never be unlocked.

A unique ceremony idea uses love heart shaped padlocks with your names and special date engraved on them, locked together and affixed to a chain joined together in a never ending circle. As this is quite a new ceremony in Western cultures, there is no “traditional” wording associated with it, however there are several readings available that fit nicely with the ceremony.

Love Letter and Wine Box Ritual

This is a beautiful ceremony that creates a lasting reminder of a wedding day. Before the wedding, the couple write private letters to one another, expressing why they fell in love with each other, how excited they are to be marrying them, and their hopes and dreams for the future. During the wedding ceremony, they place these letters (or their personal vows) into a box with a bottle of their favourite wine, and it is locked or nailed closed.

The Wine Box should be opened on the first wedding anniversary.

There is only one other reason the box should be opened before this anniversary. If there should come a time when the couple hits a bumpy road in their relationship, before they give up or make any irrational decisions, they should sit down together, open the Wine Box, uncork the wine and read the letters they wrote to each other at the time of their marriage. Even if they are not seeing eye-to-eye at that very moment, it will remind them of all the reasons they chose each other as their partner and all the things that helped shape the life they’ve created together.

The romantic sentiments they wrote, the declaration of love, the clear thoughts about why each chose the other as their life partner will help put the couple back on even ground. This is the perfect ritual to remind a couple of their wedding day and their intention to love and cherish each other in good times and bad for as long as they both shall live.

When things are back on an even footing, the couple can:

  • write new love letters to each other
  • replace the bottle of wine, and
  • reseal the box.

They’ll be ready for the next difficult patch or the next anniversary.

Fun Symbolic Rituals

If you check out wedding blogs like OffbeatWed and Rock N Roll Bride, you’ll find all sorts of modern takes on unity rituals, including the unity sandwich, unity cocktails, and the unity snack mix!

More information

Click here to find an overview of a traditional Australian wedding ceremony.

Read all the posts in my series about Australian wedding ceremonies here.

Find all the posts in my series about marriage legalities here.

If you’re a celebrant wanting help with all things celebrancy, come and join us at the Celebrant Institute

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voluntary assisted dying victoriaVoluntary Assisted Dying Victoria
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Series Navigation<< The couple’s story in the wedding ceremonyReadings in wedding ceremonies >>