Surprise weddings

Surprise weddings are the bomb! Honestly, I absolutely love surprise weddings… when they’re a surprise for the guests. A surprise for one of the marrying couple though? Not so much.

Surprise weddings for one of the couple

Surprise weddings where the person being surprised is one of the people getting married are illegal in Australia. This is because they may cause the person to consent to the marriage because they feel like they have to – under duress, in other words. Real consent is one of the major requirements for creating a legal marriage in Australia. Section 23B(1)(a)(i) of the Marriage Act 1961 specifically mentions that a marriage will be void (i.e. not legal or valid) if consent was obtained by duress.

Let’s unpack this. Imagine a couple. We’ll call them Patty and Jim. Patty and Jim have been together for 10 years. They live together, everything is hunky dory, they’re engaged, and starting to plan their wedding. Jim decides he’s going to do some romantic and make all the plans for them. He’ll tell Patty he’s taking her out for dinner for their 11th anniversary, but actually they’re going to get married. When they arrive at their favourite restaurant, all their friends and family will be there along with a celebrant who’s ready to sign some paperwork and get the ceremony started.

Even if Patty is totally in love with Jim, even if she really wants to marry him, what if, for whatever reason, she’s not quite ready to marry him on that day? What if she’s reconsidering their relationship? This may be a long shot, but what if she was about to break up with Jim?

With all the effort Jim has gone to, and with all their friends and family watching on, will Patty be able to say no? Or will she feel she has to go ahead with the marriage, whether she really wants to or not? This is why surprise weddings for one of the couple are illegal.

Surprise weddings for the guests

Now surprise weddings for the guests, on the other hand, are absolutely legal. Bring them on! I’ve done surprise weddings at engagement parties, birthday parties, even at a “congratulations on getting an Order of Australia” party! I love them. Here’s some things to think about.

Tell your families, or at least your mums

I strongly suggest you tell your mums. Mums tend to be the ones most disappointed/pissed off that they didn’t get to know the secret and/or be involved in the wedding planning. You might want to tell the rest of your immediate families too.

Ban supplier-branded cars

Make sure your celebrant doesn’t have branding on their car. Nothing worse than guests turning up to an “engagement party” only to see a celebrant-branded car in the parking lot to spoil the surprise.

Consider when to hold the wedding

Consider which night of the week you hold your surprise wedding on; Saturday nights are best. I once did a surprise wedding at an “engagement party” on a Friday night in the Yarra Valley. Less than half the guests actually turned up. It was a Friday after work, and I guess nobody wanted to get frocked up and drive out to the Yarra Valley. They probably all thought, “we’ll definitely go to the wedding, this is just the engagement party, it doesn’t matter as much.” The couple were pretty disappointed, to be honest.

How to announce the surprise

Talk to your celebrant about how they’re going to announce the surprise and how they’re going to hide themselves before the ceremony. I’m pretty good at pretending to be a venue staff member, flitting around picking up glasses etc. My favourite way to announce the surprise is to say:

“My name is Sarah and I’m the MC for tonight’s event. Usually MC stands for Master of Ceremonies, but I’m thrilled to let you know that tonight it stands for Marriage Celebrant! Yes, we’re having a wedding!”

Update 2023: I married my sister and her husband in a surprise wedding on the 19th of August 2023. When I announced that tonight MC stood for Marriage Celebrant, the roar that went through the venue was like nothing I’d ever heard before. It was utterly awesome and a moment I will remember forever.

So that’s the wrap on surprise weddings! Are you interested in surprising your guests by getting married? Get in touch today!