The couple’s story in the wedding ceremony

I love including the couple’s story in their wedding ceremony. This is the part where I talk about how you met, why you fell in love, and what you love about each other. It’s got all the gooey mushy stuff (if you want), and it’s an excellent way to include some humour in the ceremony. I’m not a comedian and I don’t tell jokes, but I do tell funny stories. I think there should be lots of laughter at a wedding ceremony, and telling your story is a great way to make that happen.

Now including the couple’s story not compulsory, but it is my favourite part. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, but it is my favourite part. It’s entirely up to you whether or not it’s included, but it is my favourite part. Are you getting the gist?

In the outline of the ceremony the couple’s story goes after the processional, introduction, and words about love and marriage. If you’ve chosen to include multiple readings in your ceremony, I may pop a reading before the couple’s story.

Okay so if you choose to include the couple’s story in your Premium wedding ceremony, how will it work?

Written questionnaires

Three months before the ceremony we’re going to meet for a planning and legals meeting. At that meeting you’ll tell me whether or not you want me to include your story in the ceremony. If you choose to include it, I’m going to send you three questionnaires:

• One for you to complete together, with the important dates and stories of your relationship
• One each for you to complete on your own, with the individual questions on how you feel about your partner.

You answer as many or as few questions as you like with as much or as little information as you like, and I use your answers to write a lovely story! The more information you give me, the better your story will be. I don’t embellish your stories; what you give me is what goes in your ceremony.

I know lots of celebrants gather this information through an interview process. However I tried that in the first year of my celebrancy career and it just didn’t work for me. I found people gave me much richer responses when they had time to think about what they wanted to say. It’s just the way I prefer to work, and my couples know that from the beginning of our working relationship.

I also love having people’s written responses so I can literally use their words where relevant. So often I’ve had a couple come back after reading their draft and say, “it really sounds like us!” Yeah it does, cos I used your own words! That’s what I was aiming for!

Questions I ask

So what kinds of questions are included in these questionnaires?

Couple questionnaire for you to complete together

• What are the key dates of your relationship?
• How and when did you meet?
• How and when did you get together/become a couple?
• How long have you been engaged? Who proposed and is there a funny/romantic story that goes along with it?
• What do you most enjoy doing together?
• Have you had to overcome any obstacles as a couple?
• Was there a special reason for deciding on the place for your ceremony?
• Anything else you’d like to tell me?

Individual questionnaires for you to complete separately

• What was your impression of your partner when you first met them/laid eyes on them?
• When did you realise you were in love with your partner? What made you fall in love with them?
• What does love mean to you?
• What does marriage mean to you? Do you and your partner share the same expectations of marriage?
• What is it about being married to your parnter that you look forward to the most?
• Describe one of your favourite memories of being with you partner.
• Finish this sentence. You smile the most when your partner…
• What traits or habits would you never change about your partner?
• What does your partner do that makes you laugh?
• What does your partner do that just makes you shake your head?
• List 5 reasons why you love your partner (e.g. things they do, personality quirks and/or features).
• What do you dream of doing with your partner one day?
• Anything else you’d like to tell me?

What not to tell me

There’s a really important instruction with these questionnaires: don’t write anything you wouldn’t want me to include in the ceremony. I do send a draft of my ceremonies to all my couples, and often I’ll get feedback like, “you can’t say that in front of our parents!” Well then why did you write it in the questionnaire?! I do recognise that sometimes answers given in the questionnaire take on a different weight when they’re written into the ceremony. But still, try not to include anything that’s not for public consumption!

Writing your story

Although I write the couple’s story from scratch from each couple’s questionnaire responses, my couple stories certainly do use somewhat of a template in terms of which bits I put where. I don’t necessarily use all the information I’m given in every story. But I get as much of it in there as possible!

I tend to start with how you met and your first impressions of each other, then move on to how and why you fell in love. I love to include your engagement story, as well as any other milestones like buying a home or having children. Finally I talk about what you love about each other, what makes you shake your heads, and what you’re looking forward to doing together. That’s the main kind of skeleton structure I use, and I add other bits in depending on the answers you’ve given me.

Delivering your story during the ceremony

Honestly, the couple’s story is my favourite bit of the ceremony to deliver. It’s usually got everything from humour to romance, and it will often provoke laughter right through to tears from your guests. I love finding those little nuggets that most of your people probably don’t know about your or your relationship. It’s just a super joyous part of the ceremony and I love it all!

More information

Click here to find an overview of a traditional Australian wedding ceremony.

Read all the posts in my series about Australian wedding ceremonies here.

Find all the posts in my series about marriage legalities here.

If you’re a celebrant wanting help with all things celebrancy, come and join us at the Celebrant Institute!

Australian Wedding Ceremonies

• Outline of a typical Australian wedding ceremony
• The wedding processional
• The couple’s story in the wedding ceremony
• Introduction to the wedding ceremony
• Who brings this woman to marry this man?