Voluntary Assisted Dying (VAD) has been available in Victoria since 19 June 2019. Victoria was the first jurisdiction in Australia to legalise VAD in certain, relatively strict, circumstances. This is not the place for a discussion about the limits of the current VAD system in Victoria. I will also not be outlining the eligiblity criteria for VAD. Instead I want to talk about how VAD can impact a funeral or memorial service.

NB before you read any further: as with many of my funeral posts, this one includes frank and open discussion of death and funerals. If that’s not for you, please stop reading now. If you need help with your grief, please click here to visit my page of grief organisations and resources.

Choice and control

The entire purpose of euthanasia, or voluntary assisted dying as it’s called in Australia, is to allow a dying person to have choice and control over when and how they die. Given that a person applying for VAD must be likely to die within 6-12 months AND have decision-making capacity, this also means they may want to have some choice and control over their funeral plans.

If I had my way, every person would think about and document their end of life care and funeral wishes. But in Australia in particular, we’re not great at talking or even thinking about death. Actually, we’re pretty shit at it. Many seem to think that if we talk about death, it will happen. Actually, all that happens if you talk about and make plans for your death is that your family knows what you want. That’s it! And surely that’s worth some uncomfortable thinking and conversations?

So when a person who is dying elects to access VAD, and they make a choice about when they want to die, it also gives them time to think about how they want their funeral to look and feel. This information and input is priceless to a grieving family. Taking the weight of making those decisions off your loved ones’ shoulders is of huge benefit to them. They won’t be left forever wondering if they did the right thing.

Working with a funeral celebrant

Some people who have chosen to access VAD have even worked with a funeral celebrant before their death. I can tell you that working with someone before they die to plan their funeral is a huge privilege.

The dying person can talk about their life story (eulogy), confirming details that their family may not know. I’ve even heard of people recording a video of themselves giving their own eulogy – what a treat to be able to hear from your loved one after they have passed!

They can also confirm things like:

  • who they’d like to attend
  • what music they’d like
  • whether they want any readings
  • whether they want any religious aspects
  • what kind of ritual aspects (if any) they’d like included, e.g. candle lighting
  • who they would like to invite to speak.

It also makes life easier for everyone involved. Making all of these decisions ahead of time, without the cloak of acute grief and the limits of time, can help immensely.

The ceremony itself

The actual ceremony for a person who has died via VAD may have a more celebratory feel than one for someone who has died after potentially months or years of great pain and suffering. It may be possible for the family to focus more on celebrating the person than grieving the ugliness of the death.

Deaths after long illnesses can be extremely traumatic for those left behind. A VAD death can sometimes avoid some of that trauma.

I think it’s important to acknowledge that a person elected to access VAD at the funeral. Knowing that a person chose to die in their own time, and understanding the powerful feelings that comes with having that control, can bring some comfort to those who knew them.