What if you’re nervous at your wedding ceremony?
Public speaking is the number one fear for three-quarters of the population. That’s right, 75% of people are more scared of speaking in front of people than they are of death or of spiders. When it comes to getting married, this fear causes an awful lot of people to feel extremely nervous about their wedding ceremony. What if you’re nervous at your wedding ceremony? What can we do about that?
The legal requirements
When it comes down to it, the Marriage Act 1961 only requires each person getting married in a civil ceremony to speak one sentence out loud:
I ask everyone here to witness that I, Name, take you, Name, to be my lawful wedded husband/wife/spouse/partner in marriage.
That’s it. That’s all you have to say.
Now I absolutely encourage you to include personal vows as well, but for some people their nerves are simply too much. The idea of saying any more than is absolutely necessary is terrifying.
Luckily for those nervous people, in most wedding ceremonies I’m the one doing most of the talking. And that’s all good, because as an authorised celebrant I’m trained and practised at speaking in front of people. I no longer feel nervous at most of my ceremonies. I’ve done literally hundreds of them so that’s probably not surprising! What it means for you is that you can relax knowing the attention will be mostly on me throughout your ceremony.
Can I answer a question instead?
Some people ask me if they have to say the legal vows. Can’t I ask them in a question format to which they answer I do? Unfortunately not. That’s not legal and if we do that, you won’t be married. Each person must say the sentence I’ve included above. There’s just no way around it!
So what do we do?
How do we manage it if you’re nervous at your wedding ceremony, and particularly when it comes time to say your vows?
The anticipation is always worse than the event
Worrying about how nervous you will be on the day is always worse than how you actually feel when you get to the day. It’s like going to the dentist or getting a blood test. It always feels like it’s going to be worse than it turns out to be.
Most people who tell me they hate being the centre of attention and will be super nervous at the wedding actually end up relaxing into it after the processional. All the planning is done. All the preparation is done. They’re standing with their favourite person in front of all their loved ones, ready to get married. All the stress and nerves tend to float away at that point and they just enjoy themselves!
Remember your guests love you
Definitely remember that you’re not speaking in front of a hostile crowd. Your guests are there because they’re your favourite people. They love you, and they want the absolute best for you. They’re cheering you on to have a brilliant wedding, and they don’t want anything to go wrong for you. They’re not waiting for you to stuff up; they have nothing but love for you.
Take some deep breaths
Deep breaths help with all sorts of things, and they can be especially great for nerves. If you’re feeling nervous when it’s coming up to time to say your vows, take some deep breaths all the way into your abdomen. This will send more oxygen to your brain and organs. It will also activate your vagus nerve and parasympathetic nervous system, making you feel better almost instantly. Try it right now and see how much of an impact a few deep breaths can have!
Drink some water
Often when we get nervous our mouths go dry. It’s absolutely no problem to pause the ceremony for a moment so you can take a drink of water. A little pause and a little hydration can go a long way to easing your nerves and getting you ready to say your vows!
Focus on your partner
I’m all about you two being in a little bubble when you’re saying your vows. If you’ve got personal vows as well as the legal ones, I’m printing them on a card for you. Then I’m setting you up so that I’m not in your space while you’re saying them. Just focus on your partner. That’s the person you’re speaking to. That’s the person you’re making these vows to. Sure, there happens to be a hundred people watching you, but you can just ignore them and be in your little vow bubble. I find focusing on your partner helps with the nerves more than almost anything else. They’re your favourite person, and the words you’re saying mean you’ll soon be married. Beautiful.
I promise, being nervous at your wedding ceremony is not the disaster you’re imagining it to be. We can get through it together, and I assure you, your wedding will be amazing.