What is the asking in a wedding ceremony?

The asking is the bit where the celebrant asks you a question, and you say “I do”, or depending on how the question is framed, “I will”. “I do”, the asking, is a church thing. Here’s a few Christian church askings so you can see what I’m talking about.

Examples of church askings

Anglican Church (they call it The Consent)

X, will you give yourself to Y to be her/his husband/wife, to live with her/him according to God’s word? Will you love her/him, comfort her/him,
honour and protect her/him, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her/him so long as you both shall live? Answer: I will.

Catholic Church

X and Y, have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage? Answer: I do.

Will you love and honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives? Answer: I will.

Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church? Answer: I will.

NB: Some Catholic churches prefer to have the couple say these sentences as statements rather than answer them as questions. For example, “I come here freely and without reservation to give myself to Y in marriage.”

Uniting Church

N, will you give yourself to N to be her/his husband/wife, to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love her/him, comfort her/him,
honour and protect her/him, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her/him, as long as you both shall live? Answer: I will.

The asking in civil ceremonies

So that’s what happens in church. But there is actually nothing in Australian law that requires you to say “I do” in any part of the wedding ceremony. It’s just not needed! However, we’ve all grown up watching American TV and movies, and they generally get married in the church over there. We’re used to hearing the asking in those TV and movie weddings. So some people feel like they’re not really married if they don’t say “I do”!

If you have a desperate desire to say “I do”, I have a range of sample askings you can say “I do” or “I will” to. They range from traditional to more modern. If you want, we can even use your questionnaire responses to write an asking. For example, “Jill, do you promise to always deal with spiders so Jack doesn’t have to?”

As with most of the wedding ceremony, there are no rules here. Do whatever works best for you as a couple:

• leave the asking out altogether
• include one of my sample askings
• ask me to write an asking from your questionnaire responses.

More information

Click here to find an overview of a traditional Australian wedding ceremony.

Read all the posts in my series about Australian wedding ceremonies here.

Find all the posts in my series about marriage legalities here.

If you’re a celebrant wanting help with all things celebrancy, come and join us at the Celebrant Institute!

Australian Wedding Ceremonies

• Outline of a typical Australian wedding ceremony
• The wedding processional
• What is the asking in a wedding ceremony?
• Introduction to the wedding ceremony
• Who brings this woman to marry this man?