Reflection during a funeral
After all the storytelling and tributes are finished, it’s important to include dedicated time for people to reflect on their own feelings and memories of the deceased. This reflection time may take many different formats, but I always encourage my families to include it. People need time to themselves, and a period of reflection is the perfect way to offer them that.
Photo slideshows
The most common option for reflection time in Australian funerals in the 2020s is the photo slideshow. Families gather photos of their loved ones throughout their lives and arrange them to music. Photos may evoke treasured memories in your mind, and together with the music, they can bring forth all the love and grief you feel.
Length
We usually show each photo for 6 seconds (the minimum I would ever show is 3 seconds, and the maximum is 8 seconds). That means there’s approximately 10 photos per minute. This can help you decide how many songs you need. An average song goes for 3.5-4 minutes, so one song will usually be good for 35-40 photos. I generally recommend sticking to one or two songs’ worth of photos. Other photos can always be inserted into a longer slideshow that is shown on a loop during the refreshment time.
Format
The slideshow itself needs to be in MP4 format, with the music and the photos in the same file. Honestly, it’s easiest to pay the funeral director to organise the slideshow for you unless you are particularly tech savvy and know what you’re doing. They do this every day and they know what they produce will work on their system.
Photos during speeches
I never recommend playing photos in the background while people are speaking. They can be super distracting and take away from the important words being spoken. Keep the photos for the reflection time and everyone can enjoy them together.
Speeches after the slideshow
I also never recommend having any family members or friends speak after the slideshow has been played. This is often an extremely emotional time, the photos and the music evoking all sorts of memories, and we find that most people don’t have the capacity to speak after watching them. Let me do the speaking at this more difficult time, to wind up the ceremony for you.
Music
Some people don’t want a slideshow. There are many reasons:
- there’s not many photos of their loved one
- they’re having the ceremony in a location that doesn’t easily allow for playing movies
- they just don’t want it.
Instead I will often suggest we play a piece of music to use as reflection time. While the music plays, everyone can just sit there and have their own reflection, or people can come forward to light taper candles and stick them in a sandbowl. There’s nothing inherently religious about lighting candles, so please don’t discount this option because you don’t want any religious content in the ceremony.
A minute’s silence
If a family doesn’t want a slideshow, and they also don’t want to play music, I’ll recommend a minute’s silence. This is rare, I’ve probably done it less than 10 times during my career, but for some people that’s all they need or want. It still provides time for silent, personal reflection, and that’s the most important thing.
More information
Click here to find an overview of a traditional Australian funeral ceremony.
Read all the posts in my series about Australian funeral ceremonies here.
Find information about grief resources and organisations here.